My mouth tastes like cigarettes
So does yours, and it’s great;
Your moustache tickles my face,
And when you ask if I’m your girl
I blush, cos it tickles my feelings.
I like the way your fingers move
Against my belly when you’re in
A playful mood, and I like
That wicked look in your eyes –
The one that turns my legs to jelly,
The one that says:
Come here,
I wanna do bad things with you…

I know every expression you own
Studied them like textbooks
Hoping they would lead
Like roadmaps to your soul.
I know some of your nuance
Your light and your shade
But it still doesn’t bring me
Any closer.

You say, we’re friends and lovers
But I don’t know if you’re my friend
You’re more like the Joker
And I’m Harley Quinn
We met each other at opposite ends
Of the spectrum…
I was looking for love
I was ready to fall again
And you –
You were looking for a distraction
A port to sink your anchor in.

I knew from the start
Your heart was not a prize easily won,
And if I messed up, fell in love,
The chances were slim to none
Of you reciprocating.
You’ve got your guards up,
And your walls, the only
Parts open still raw,
And still belong to the one
Responsible for your breaking.

But…

My Netflix queue is full of shows
We watch under blankets
Tangled together,
You give me whole-body laughs
When we’re in the kitchen making dinner.
You call me baby and beautiful
And ask how my day’s been;
The line between friend
And lover get blurred
And we refuse to admit it.

And when you sleep in my bed –
Not once, or twice, but
Three nights this week –
I can’t help but wonder
Where this is leading.
I’m fine with the slow train
If we eventually get there
I just can’t afford to invest in a lie…
Not again, not this time.

But my selfish heart makes me wait,
Unable to decide
If I should ask you to go…
Watching this bubble of heartbreak grow
Ready to burst at any moment.
And there’s a masochist in me
That lives for tortured romance
I’m not even sure I’d be able to love
Without tragedy…

I want to let you stay
Let you touch and tease
Let you play those games
You don’t even know you’re playing;
It’s not entirely your fault
That loving you
Is like licking a battery.

Trying not to fall in love with you
Is like having a pineapple allergy
And drinking pina coladas anyway;
Because the absence of 
Your smell on my skin
And your taste on my tongue
Hurts so much more. 
Pretending you love me back 
Is a dangerous game
I know I shouldn’t play – but I do,
A little more each day,
Even though playing it means 
You’ve already won. 

I’m trying to stay convinced
That goodbye kisses are not part of the deal,
That your hand isn’t mine to hold.
But how can I resist
Your strong arms wrapped around me tight 
Like salvation on a stormy sea…
And in the depths of your 
Unfathomable eyes
I can read the fine print of my soul.  
One kiss and I am drawn
Like a bee to your honey.
One touch and I surrender 
All of my defenses.  
I could stay lost forever
In the space between words
With you. 

You are my lover and my friend; 
The universe has brought you to me
As a gift – and I’m afraid
That if I forget myself, 
If the words drop from my lips, 
You’ll cease to exist;
This newfound bliss I’m
Warming my toes against
Will disappear and I’ll be left
Craving something I was never 
Equipped to claim as my own. 

So I commit myself to carpe diem, 
Living one sweet moment
To the next, never making plans,
Just taking life as it comes to us. 
And this is happiness for me
Just chilling out with you watching tv
Sitting on the front porch talking shit
And watching the world go by. 
This is my happy place, but I’m
Trying not to hold on too tight, 
And I apologize if I
Step over the line sometimes; 
I’m just mesmerized by your 
Sexy face, and all that you are. 

And if all we have is this, 
This is enough for me; 
I’m learning to trust again
And how to open up. 
I’ll show you everything – 
Anything you want to see; 
I’ll kiss your mouth and call you friend, 
I’ll let you into the deepest places in my head
If you are not afraid, then take my hand 
And let’s go on an adventure.