I miss kissing. To be fair, I was never a huge fan of snogging for hours on end. But it’s been years since I’ve had someone to kiss who also wanted to kiss me.

I miss kisses hello and goodbye, daily kisses with lips that press passionately against mine. I miss the feeling of gently pulling someone’s tongue, warm and wet, into my mouth. I miss that feeling of deep connection when two fully clothed bodies press against each other, exploring the nudity of teeth and soft faces and the heated crevasses of necks instead.

In so many ways, I’ve been made to feel lacking, less than, not good enough. I’m no longer waiting for my prince to show up. I no longer feel adequate or worthy enough to even throw my hat into anyone’s ring. The trauma I’ve endured this year has finally broken me. But… I still yearn for intimacy, even while believing that I don’t deserve it.

I guess this line of thinking started because I was thinking it will be New Years Eve soon, and while I do have plans to attend a party, I assume this will be yet another NYE without a kiss at midnight. Silly, I know. But if I could get a holiday wish this year, it would be for someone to kiss as the clock takes us from one year to the next, to share that moment of time-outside-of-time, to feel human again for a split second so that maybe I can carry some of that magic with me into the new year.

Yes, I’m superstitious… just shut up and kiss me! 💋🥂