I want to talk for a minute about the word “cunt”. And sorry, yes, this will be a sweary post.

It’s a paradoxical word, at the same time acting as both what is arguably the most offensive swear word and as a word that is quintessentially and nostalgically Australian. “He’s a sick cunt!” is one of the highest compliments you can pay someone in some circles of Straya, and it works well as a placeholder – “that cunt of a thing” – or as a reminder to someone acting a bit dickish to “don’t be a cunt”. Women use it to describe their sex in a “take the power back” kind of way. Couples engaged in sex acts might consensually use the word in their play.

And that’s all fine. I’ve become somewhat desensitised to all of those uses, and then some. I’ve dropped a few C-bombs myself. But let me make one thing perfectly clear: if you are a man and you call a woman a cunt out of anger or because you are all up in your feels, THAT IS NOT OK. Not ever! That act of gender-based violence is a HUGE red flag to what else you might be capable of saying or doing in the heat of the moment.

If a man ever calls me a cunt and actually means it as an insult, he’s dead to me. If a man calls another woman a cunt in my hearing, rest assured he is going to cop an earful. If a man calls another woman a cunt while speaking to me, I am immediately done. There is no excuse for it.

Even without looking too deeply into all the misogynistic connotations of taking a beautiful and natural part of a woman’s body, the part that brings us pleasure and helps to create life, and turning it into something to be treated as dirty, shameful and something to be ridiculed and hated…

Even just looking at it in its simplest terms, men use that word to subjugate and instil fear in women, to put us beneath them, to reduce us to our genitals and oppress us. They use it when lashing out because we didn’t give them what they wanted or respond in a way they wanted us to. It’s a ‘little boy having a tantrum’ word, but we all know how destructive little boys can be when they are challenged with big feelings.

If you still don’t understand what I’m saying, take this as an invitation to do some reflection on the power of words in the arena of gender-based violence. And maybe, for some of you, an invitation to do better.