I’ve heard there are 3 kinds of things that can upset you – an undelivered communication, a thwarted intention, or an unfulfilled expectation. Of the three, I feel like the last one is the worst. You can fix the first two; you can usually find a way to say what you meant to say, clarify something you misunderstood, or do something you meant to do. But the only way to avoid being upset by unmet expectations is to just not expect anything from yourself or anyone else in the first place.

And that’s hard to do, especially when you’re often not even aware you’re expecting something until it fails to eventuate. You could constantly question and analyse your attachments and assumptions, but that’s no way to live. At any rate, as long as your expectations fall into the realm of what can or should reasonably happen within your cultural context, there’s no reason you shouldn’t have them… right?

There are certain ideas: that as long as you’re hardworking, your job is secure and you’ll be promoted. As long as you treat your partner right they will always love you and never cheat on you. As long as you spend quality time with your children and meet their needs, they’ll love and respect you. As long as you are honest with your friends, they’ll never betray you. That as long as you’re a good person, people will like you for you…And yet over and over again, you end up disappointed and feeling like an idiot.

It’s death by a thousand paper cuts. And there’s not a damn thing you can do about it, not without hardening yourself to the point where nothing and no one can touch you. And once you’ve done that, there’s no joy in life anymore. So unless you want to turn into a grizzled, unfeeling automaton you can’t escape the pain, you can only choose, to some extent, what form your pain comes in.

I try to choose wisely, but I can never decide if life is a little sweeter for the sorrow, or if my naïveté will eventually ruin me. All I know is, I will keep picking myself up and dusting myself off over and over again, as many times as I have to, because that’s the only thing I know how to do; no matter what life and the consequences choices I make have to throw at me, I survive. And maybe… Maybe that’s all that’s needed.