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blog: a charlie brown christmas

I’ve never had a big family. My previous relationship provided me with plenty of family to call my own, and for almost 5 years Christmas was about breakfasts and brunches and big family gatherings where there was plenty of food and trips up the coast with brother & sister-in-law to see the kids’ mum for boxing day… but it was all borrowed; it wasn’t really mine. And when the relationship ended, so too did the familial ties. With my own family living overseas, and my current partner’s family not celebrating Christmas, it’s just the two of us and probably always will be.

The problem is, I love Christmas. I’m one of those people who can’t wait to put up the tree and plug in the fairy lights. I have Christmas stockings for the cats. I send Christmas cards every year. I love carols services and going into the CBD shopping centres to look at the massive, decorated trees and window displays; I love the maple and cinnamon flavoured coffees in the cafes this time of year. I whip up my mother’s chicken & dressing recipe and her marshmallow salad every year and I sometimes even bake.

But this year, I’m not feeling it. This is probably the worst Christmas I’ve ever had, because I’ve been dwelling on all the things I DON’T have, instead of counting my blessings and accepting that this year is just not going to measure up to what I think Christmas is “supposed” to be in my mind. So I’ve been putting a lot of thought into what Christmas really means, what it can mean, for me. I was at a church service today and during the sermon the pastor said, “People don’t need THINGS, they need hope. They don’t need presents, they need PEACE.” That had such an authenticity to it, that I feel at peace with the season now for the first time since all the Christmas hoo-haa began.

My partner and I talked about about getting each other gifts this year, but we don’t really need anything. Oh, I’m sure he’d like to have some new gaming paraphernalia, and I wouldn’t mind a new wallet or a nice spice rack, but we’re not in desperate need. I told him what I’d really like for Christmas is to get bond together for a new place to live – something with a decent hot water system, no ants, and air-con for our suffering pets. A roof over our heads where we can heal and recharge and be a family under one roof again. No Xbox or handbag or pair of shoes or iTunes gift card can replace the feeling of feeling safe and happy and secure. So that’s what we’re giving each other this year – the gift of HOME.

It makes me wonder at the phrase, “Celebrate Christmas”. Christianity tells us Christmas is the observation of the birth of Christ which heralded the salvation of mankind. Secularists believe the real meaning of Christmas is spending time with and spreading love and joy among family and friends. But in either case, we choose to “celebrate” this beautiful, peaceful and joyous occasion… how? With gifts, money, material things.

I invite you to try on the concept of having a Christmas lunch with your loved ones, without the tree, without the lights, without exchanging a single gift. Could you do it? Could you still maintain the feelings of peace, love, joy and glad tidings? Or have we fallen into the trap of needing these window dressings to set our holiday stage for us and put us in the mood?

The over-commercialisation of Christmas has been the major theme of sermons, movies and books for at least a hundred years. “A Charlie Brown Christmas” which debuted in 1965 is an animated film starring Charles M Schultz’ Peanuts gang, where Charlie Brown learns about the “true meaning of Christmas”. And it’s a conversation still relevant, if not more so, these days. It’s a question everyone has to answer for themselves – what makes Christmas for you? And if what makes Christmas is the material things, what happens when you are in a position where you don’t have those things?

I’m not judging, I hope everyone out there has a lovely Christmas full of family gatherings, brightly wrapped presents, and all the good food they can stuff into their mouths (and then some!). But for those who don’t, I wish there was a way to let them know that that’s alright too.

Because you don’t need ribbons and bows and fairy lights and Christmas puddings to celebrate Christmas. You just need to have a clear understanding of what Christmas is for you, and find your own way to honour that in your lives. And if you’re stuck at home all alone on Christmas day, rest assured that dancing around in your underwear eating candy canes is a perfectly acceptable way to celebrate. :)

blog: but for the grace of God

My South African friend taught me a word – “omgewings gestremdheid”. Don’t ask me to pronounce it! Translated, it means “environmentally impaired” and means someone who is not just disadvantaged or constrained by their environment, but who is impaired to the point of having little to no hope of breaking free of that environment.

My Afrikaans lesson came about because there is a community on my doorstep you could say is bad even by Western Sydney standards. Housing commission, drug deals, burnt out cars up on blocks, shootings and stabbings, domestic violence and dole cheques, it’s got the lot. But it’s also a community with a big heart, and there are a lot of people with equally big hearts working from within the community to bring about real transformation.

Earlier this year, four boys aged 13 to 16 went to Tasmania for a 10 day wilderness trek up Mt Ossa, and their journey was captured by a 16-year-old film-maker. Tonight there was a screening of the documentary, projected against the wall of the local shopping centre which has been closed for years now. In fact, the only things in the Square now seem to be the tavern/bottle shop, and in strange juxtaposition, the local Uniting church. And as we gathered on the car park of the closed shopping centre to watch the movie, some of the boys from the film were there, and the crowd was a little rough and rowdy, but overall a spirit of laughter, generosity and “keeping it real” prevailed.

But for all the talk about the “heart” and “community spirit” of the area, there’s still the drugs, the shootings, the stabbings, the serial convictions and jail sentences, the ready fist, the too-loud laughter and the occasional “Git FARRRRKED!!”. It’s part of the community’s heritage and its legacy. It’s what keeps this place ‘environmentally impaired’. Change is happening, but who you are inside, where you’re from, that never goes away. It becomes part of what shapes you, what makes you decide to do what you do and think what you think.

And I think that’s okay. Life is not a hallmark greeting card, or a neat story arc in a Hollywood movie. Life is not always pretty. Sometimes, life is pretty damn dark. And some people, when faced with that darkness, crumble – maybe because the gap between their expectations and their reality is too great for them to cope. But others embrace the darkness, see it as a challenge; these are the people who stick out their chin and say to life, “Give us ya best shot!” And sometimes they roll with the punches, and sometimes they don’t… but the important thing is, they got in the arena and gave it a go. That’s what I like to think the people of this community are like – people who know life’s not perfect, but they’ll be damned if they’ll let the rest of society determine their worth for them.

I see a lot of myself in this. I’ve been through a lot in my life. I’ve battled some pretty tough demons, including alcoholism and homelessness. And I thought I had closed the book on that chapter of my life, I came out of it fairly unscathed, I don’t need to be that person any more so time to put it behind me and move on with my life, right? But it never really goes away. It’s part of who I am and always will be. I am struggling lately with things I thought were long buried; I can see it affecting my life, my relationships, and my chance to break free from the emotional environment I’m in. But one thing I’m learning is that it does no good to deny the past. I can’t change my experiences – but I’m coming to realise I CAN change what I learned from them.

I hope that I can learn to have the strength to keep it real, acknowledge my past and my imperfections, and realise that it doesn’t have to stop me from achieving wholeness and completeness in my life. I don’t have to worry about labelling myself a victim OR a survivor, I just need to worry about getting in the arena and seeing how well I can take a punch… it may help to have a few friendly faces ringside though. :)

blog: you are not alone

There will be times in your life when things get a bit slippery, it’s hard to hang on and you feel like you’re falling. It’s natural to panic and reach out to other people around you for help, but you often get mixed reactions depending on who you turn to.

There will always be the people who tell you not to be silly, of course you’re not falling. They firmly believe things like, you reap what you sow, or that a little hard work and perseverance can solve almost any problem you might have. These types of people often think there’s no such thing as depression and mental illness, preferring to label it as ‘laziness’ or ‘melodrama’ instead.

Then there are those who refuse to acknowledge your cries for help, simply because they don’t want to see you fall. They care about you, and can’t handle the thought that you might not be okay. Or maybe they want you to sweep it under the rug, because they depend on you, and need you to be stable and to be there for them.

There will also be those who just want to tell you all about the time they fell. They are quick to talk about their experiences; the “story toppers” are especially hard to deal with – if you have depression, they have the mother of all PSTD, if you have trouble making ends meet, they’ll tell you how they nearly lost everything that one time. These people can be useful, recommending medication or treatment methods, organisations who can help you, or things that worked for them. However, they tend to busy themselves with the symptoms, and ignore the cause.

All you really need sometimes is acknowledgement. What you need is someone to reach out and grab hold of you and halt your downward progress. You need someone to look in your eyes and say, “I know.” And then it will be okay. Because you know that someone out there knows what you’re going through, and they’re committed to not letting you fall.

That’s who *I* want to be – and who I want to encourage other people to be. Sure there will always be elements of all the above people in how we treat people who are struggling and disadvantaged. There will be temptation to deny what other people are going through, or to relate to their experiences in context of our own, and that’s fine. As long as at the end of the day, we’re throwing the life line as well, and letting people know – we’re on their side, and they are not alone.

blog: we are gonna be friends

One day when I was 10 years old, I walked over to a new girl I had just met, offered her a jelly bean, and asked if she wanted to be friends. She took the jelly bean on offer and said yes. It turned out she lived on the same street as me and for three years we were inseparable best friends. Now that I’m on the other side of 30, I’m left pondering the question – when did making friends with other people get so hard to do?

It’s easy to make friends and stay close to people when you see them every day and share bonding adolescent experiences with them. (Having not gone to public school, I can only conjur up images of cliched coming-of-age movies, but I assume those have some basis in truth.) If you’re lucky, you’ll carry your schoolmates into your 20’s – and if you’re really lucky, you’ll take them with you even further.

But once you leave school/uni and get out into the real world, you find it a different game altogether; and if you don’t keep your old connections, you’re socially screwed. Start a new job, take up a new hobby, have a sea change or move to a new town and you’ll find an established social circle which may or may not have room for you. They don’t particularly mind you joining them, but it’s quite clear that you’re the “new guy”, the outsider, at best that kinda cool person they haven’t quite yet made their minds up about.

And for some reason society puts a taboo on loneliness and turns it into something to be ashamed of, to be scared of, to be hidden under the carpet. People associate loneliness with desperation and deeply distrust both. So in order to make new friends, you have to play it cool, you have to act like you don’t need new friends. Because “Hey, I think you’re cool and I’d really like it if we could be friends,” just doesn’t exist in the adult vocabulary. The catch is that if you’re too good at playing it cool, you only end up convincing people you don’t need their friendship. And that gets you nowhere.

So you try to find the balance, but you try way too hard. You wrangle invites to things, you stand on edges of conversations pretending you’re included, itching for a chance to jump in with something relevant and contribute. You do the washing up at every damn party, you volunteer for the jobs nobody else wants and somehow it’s always your shout for coffees or beers. You go out of your way to be nice, to seek out an unfilled niche in the group, settle into it and make yourself indispensable.

And if you manage to find someone who might actually be a potential BFF, you get excited. You bombard a them with emails, texts, invitations and Facebook friendship requests. Congratulations, now you’re known as “intense” at best, “desperate” at worst (and the word “stalker-ish” also springs to mind. They now think you’re weird and will slowly back away while you’re talking to them,

Maybe this is just how it is for me. Maybe all the home-schooling fried all my social circuits into oblivion, and I’m doomed to be hot mess of awkward behavior. But I know one thing for sure: I would give anything for the days when you could just walk up to someone, offer them a jelly bean, and ask them to be your friend. Failing that, can someone please produce a line of “let’s be friends!” greeting cards (perhaps with an awkward turtle motif)?

blog: Black Stump… the weekend that was!

I don’t think I can do justice to how amazing the weekend was, but I’ll try! I’d been talking non-stop about Stump for months, but I really missed it last year and was looking forward to touching base with everyone again. And it was more than that – I felt confident about my shows and other things I was involved in and I had a feeling it was going to be amazing. 

Friday dawned and of course I was running late, so we didn’t get to the site until after dark.  Trying to find a camp site was hard enough, let alone attempting to put up a tent in the dark… after a very tense hour, I finally stormed off and left the boys to it… luckily they managed to put the tent up in my absence.  ;)

Spent the evening wandering around different venues, checking things out.  Went to an interesting interactive discussion on Fair Trade, watched part of a guitar hero comp, & caught up with a bunch of Stumpers I know.  I bought sausages from the God Squad (a Christian motorcycle group) and donuts from the baptists, and moshed to a really good band.  Went to sleep about 2.30am.

Was fully awake by about 5.30am.  Discovered I’d left a few important things at home – d’oh! – and made the mad dash to Campbelltown to buy replacements, but didn’t make it back to camp in time for the “Meet the Artists” lunch I’d been booked into to – double d’oh!  Had plenty of time to get ready for the whodunnit though, which was a blast for all involved!  Caught Joel McKerrow’s set – he was  just before me – very intimidating to have to follow him, haha… my show went well though, and I had time to relax and catch a few bands before the Poetry Slam.

Went to 7@7 – seven speakers each given a topic at random and asked to speak for 7 minutes made for some interesting results!  Then the slam was on… it was awesome!  I wasn’t expecting much, since in previous years the “audience participation poetry event” was run in the afternoon and didn’t attract a huge crowd… and although we got off to a bit of a shaky start (weren’t sure enough people were going to sign up!) we ended up with a full house and a really exciting show.  After that we went to a Climate Change discussion, caught a few more bands, and finished the evening by going to the “dance party” which was on from 11pm till the early hours every night of the festival.

Sunday was cruisy… slept in till 12pm, had a great chat with someone I’d met the day before, then wandered around until my second show which was at 4pm and then I was pretty much done with my stuff for Stump. Caught Cam Semmens’ show – very funny stuff!  The comedy debate this year was – “Social Networking is Anti-Social”; the negative side won that one so turns out we all still love our facebook after all, haha.

Grabbed dinner before heading to the evening gathering to hear Mike Pilavachi speak.  After the gathering went to Carpe Idiotus and Michael Connell – saw a few more bands & finally went to see the Outback Hippies play. I’d never seen the Outback Hippies before… that was probably the highlight of the weekend for me!  The Hippies do 60’s and 70’s covers, they’re a tradition at Stump – they’re always the last band to play on the Sunday night and they play through till really late.  Everyone crowds into the tent and has a bit of a dance and a sing-along; they also called random people – some guy who was turning 18 (we sang happy birthday to him), stump organisers, “Yellow Pants” – a stump mascot! – up on stage to have a dance and sing with them… the whole thing just felt like one big party rather than a gig.  And I think it was because people were just genuinely glad that Stump was back and we were all really happy to be there.  :)

Monday morning went to the farewell gathering and then wandered around and caught up with people to say goodbye until next year!  Packed the tent up and left about 2pm and headed straight for Campbelltown McDonalds.  Got home about 3.30pm and crashed out until around 7! I’m still really tired… I have had two cans of Mother today just to keep me awake!  But it’s all been worth it and I’ve got so many ideas for next year – Bring on Stump 2012!!

blog: living prayerfully

I don’t think of God as a thing, as a commodity to be valued. The presence of God underlies every aspect of my life and there’s no way I could separate Him, draw Him out and pin him to the corkboard for examination or dissemination.  

But at times I am guilty of taking God for granted, treating Him like a vending machine (“Please help me get to work on time so I don’t have to explain to my boss how I missed the train again for the third time this week!!”). Sometimes I don’t even take time to recognize His presence in my life; I’m not big on formal prayer and often forget to say “hello”. But He always finds a way to give me a nudge or a gentle tap on the shoulder, reminding me that I’m not alone.

I went to a talk on Sunday given by a Benedictine nun. She was very cool, very funny and switched on and down to earth. The subject was “Why Pray?” and she managed to get right to the heart of subject; we could have easily ventured into airy-fairy theological territory, but she kept the talk grounded and real and made some excellent points. 

She said prayer doesn’t have a lot to do with us, but everything to do with God. Prayer comes from God, it’s an open line of communication from the Powers That Be to us; like broadband internet, our line to God is always there. waiting for us to go online. And when we pray, we are not initiating anything, merely responding to the call he puts out to our hearts. 

Another reason we pray is to know our own story. To face ourselves as God sees us and to accept ourselves as He does. And in discovering our story, we also see the face of God. God had only one story, and that story is Love. We need to know we are loved. Most of us crave love and yearn for acceptance more than we realize. God fills the holes we never knew were there. 

The final point the sister made was that when we are in a state of “prayerful” living, we’re more likely to recognize the blessings and good things that come our way. See, God doesn’t always send a lightning bolt down from the sky or even a dove – but God shows up nonetheless. He’s in the guy that gets up and offers you a seat on a crowded train. He’s in the sun that breaks through the clouds on a dreary day. But you won’t see him unless you think to look for Him. And you won’t think to look if you’re not including Him as a conscious part of your life.

I really don’t mean to be preachy. And when I talk about God, in my head I always follow the word “God” with “whoever or whatever you envision him or her to be” – it would just take ages to type all that out every single time. But “my” God is one who is there for me, walking beside me every step of the way. And prayer is communicating with and communing with the One who knows me better than anyone else. Whatever I do, I don’t want to close those channels… Guess I’ll practice living prayerfully and see what happens!!

blog: on the nature of God

God is neither male nor female but an all-encompassing creative force, and as such, must be true to all aspects of itself. Putting it simply, God is about keeping balance, and in balance you have the good with the bad and the dark with the light.

Karma is a nice concept, but God is not a Divine slot machine – do a good deed here, say a prayer there, and voila!  People often forget that. I heard a preacher once say, “God does not micro-manage,” and I think that’s true. I like to think that the universe was created and then we were dropped in here, like rats in a maze; whatever we do, whatever happens, there is only an arched Divine eyebrow and a cosmic response of “Hmm… Interesting.”

Coincidence and karma are concepts we made up to give our lives extra meaning, a little added flavour. Sure, it tastes good to believe we are all special and unique snowflakes, but is the desire for spiritual gratification on a personal level getting in the way of our true purpose? By that I mean, does the need to feel like we are being spiritually validated have some emotionally gratifying pay off that causes us to neglect seeking the true but perhaps less glamorous actual voice of God?

Maybe the point of “why are we here?” and “who is God anyway?” is not to reach some universally agreed upon point of enlightenment in which all spiritual truth is revealed. Maybe our true purpose is just to have faith in this well-oiled machine called life, trust our place in the grand scheme of things is as it should be, and then just go out looking for the damn cheese.

blog: down in a hole

The thing I miss most about being part of a church or spiritual group is the sense of being connected to something bigger than me.  Others might feel overwhelmed or threatened by the thought of being a cog in the wheel, but I find it comforting. In a way, being a small part of a bigger force gives my existence purpose and direction; it helps to define me spiritually and otherwise.

But lately I feel disconnected.  After reaching a milestone in my life I’ve started to reflect on the past, and I miss some of the things I used to enjoy.  I miss some of the friendships and relationships I used to have, it’s sad that it’s only now I appreciate their true worth. I find myself wanting to wind back the clock a few years, to try to gain back those moments of happiness and the sense of fulfilment I felt at a time when my life was very different.

I am also somewhat isolated now.  I’ve been betrayed by people I thought were friends. I’ve experienced rejection from spiritual mentors and groups from whom I expected support.  Friends and family members have shown me I am not exactly high on their list of priorities.  I feel I have nowhere to turn and withdraw more and more into my own skin every passing day.

Everything I’m going through emotionally is slowly wearing me down. I need to recharge, but without a support network, I feel cut off from the source.  To use an old phrase, I desperately need revival, but bitterness is holding me back. I’m afraid to trust again, to be part of a community that may eventually disappoint or reject me. It seems safer to remain aloof and independent, to rely completely on myself for everything.

And I think that’s an understandable reaction from someone who’s been hurt as much as I have, to withdraw from the world a bit.  That way if I have mistakes or disappointment, there’s only myself to blame. It’s a kind of cocoon, this need to be insular, which protects me while I heal.  The problem is the cocoon is starting to get a bit tight and it’s almost time to leave it behind, but I still feel like I haven’t healed.

So I need to work out where I’m going from here – how do I heal properly, so I can be a part of the bigger picture again?  How do I fix my issues so that when the time comes to rejoin the world at large, I am stable enough to do so?  That’s where I am at the moment, just feeling my way in the dark and trying to find a foothold, because I really don’t want to stay down in this hole forever.

blog: heart of worship

Lately I’ve been trying to organise my music collection – no small task since it’s scattered across my computer, my laptop, my iPhone, and my iPod, plus several boxes of CDs to rip!  But I have made some progress at least.

In the process I’ve found some Christian praise & worship songs I downloaded ages ago and I’ve been listening to them in the mornings on my way to work. I find the music really uplifting, and puts me in the right frame of mind to begin my day.  I even found myself praying this morning (something I haven’t done properly in I don’t even know how long) that I would have a productive day and be open to whatever challenges might come.

I was surprised to find that I still enjoy listening to these songs.  But even though I might not think of myself as being Christian in the strictest sense of the word, I still believe in God as a divine creative force out there looking after me and the rest of the universe.  I respect the teachings of Christ, and while I am unsure what I believe about Jesus, the concepts of sacrifice and redemption, of death, burial and rebirth – common themes in worship music – still make perfect sense.

Maybe one day I will find myself in a church again.  Maybe I have just been hurt so badly that I can’t do the “church thing” right now.  But maybe there is still a place for me in the structure somewhere.  For now though, I think it’s a good thing that I’m praying and pondering God again, and I feel like I need to stay open to that and see where that leads me.

blog: tabula rasa

The World is locked in a constant cycle of death and rebirth, of expiration and renewal.  It is deeply ingrained in our psyches, this concept of starting over, this desire for tabula rasa – a clean slate.  The first steps on a journey are the most important, as they set the course for things to come.  And what I long for most – what most people crave – is a journey back to a place in time and spirit where we felt the happiest, most empowered, most whole.

I’ve struggled with spiritual identity most of my life.  I’ve had exposure to many different branches of Christianity – Baptist, Catholic, Methodist, Uniting, Wesleyan, Pentecostal, and some I could never quite figure out.   I’ve been a bench warmer and I’ve been a leader. I’ve taught Bible studies and youth groups, preached sermons, and been part of the worship team.  And I was happy during that time. In many ways I still feel that ministry is my calling.

But I’ve also always been a radical thinker, prone to questioning, and being such often places me at odds with the concept of accepting spiritual truths at face value.  I prefer to live life in the grey areas; I could never countenance a good vs. evil, black & white spiritual existence.   Especially when I see the lack of consistency and integrity in a lot of Christian churches today.  I still think Christianity is a valid spiritual path for some, I just don’t believe it right for me anymore.

So I embarked on a quest for a faith practice that would nourish my spiritual self, that would allow me to grow and expand and reach out to others along the way. But so far I remain the lone wanderer, yet to find my spiritual feet.   I set out to be someone sure of herself and her beliefs, someone confident in her abilities.  Instead I find myself lost in obscurity and insecurity, feeling overwhelmed because I know what want and yet I am unsure how to get it.

I am at a crossroads, desperate for direction, clues or signposts for my journey.  Starting fresh from a clean slate can be a tempting concept, but I am not sure where the beginning is anymore.  The ‘beginning’ may even just be an illusion, maybe every beginning is really just a re-packaged ending.  Maybe all we really have to do is hold a few unchanging core concepts in front of us like a compass and stay true to them, and we will find our way eventually to a place of peace – the place where our soul belongs.

blog: got any goblin jumper cables?

I told myself I would update this blog in earnest, and it’s been sitting here untouched almost a month. I’ve been in a bit of a funk, letting too many non-essential activities (*cough* world of warcraft *cough*) fill my time so that my personal goals were being neglected, it’s a self-perpetrated cycle of apathy really!

Apart from running my avatars through the wilds of Azeroth, I have started pulling stuff together for Stump, of course. Also I am thinking about trying to get a series of seminars and workshops happening. Apart from that and going to work and various domestic and financial duties (yay, tax time – at least I managed to put mine in early this year!!) I have been doing a lot of soul-searching.

I’ve always believed that ultimately – Divine Will aside – we are masters of our own Destiny, that it is up to each of us to work out what we want out of life and to work towards achieving these goals, so that we can look back on our lives and be satisfied with what we accomplished and who we were as people.

I used to think I would be able to do that – there was a lot of stuff in my life that I didn’t like, dark and troubled stuff, mistakes and regrets. But I have accomplished some pretty cool stuff as well, I’ve made some great friends and loved some awesome people. But in the last few years I’ve really lost that momentum. I look at the life I have now and it’s not the life that I want. I am not the person that I wanted to be.

So I need to make the conscious choice to change things, to bring myself back to the point where I can be proud of who I am and what I can accomplish. It’s going to take baby steps, it’s going to take focus and it’s going to take some sacrifice on my part – but with a clear idea of the direction I want to go in, I know I can do it.

On a random note, I was given a crock-pot a few weeks ago!  We had an “international lunch day” at work; I made an attempt on american-style pork & beans and there were lots of other cuisines represented. One woman brought in a crock-pot for reheating food, and I commented that I’d always intended to get one. Since she didn’t really use hers, the next thing I know I’m the proud owner of a crock-pot!! The only stipulation is I have to get an “action shot” for her blog on sustainability and recycling, so must break out the camera and a slow-cooker recipe book this week. :)

blog: the starting post

So I decided to start a blog, hehe.  I don’t really have much to say but I guess I better put something here to start things off!  I haven’t been doing much the last few days, it’s been pretty rainy so I’ve been tucked away inside playing computer games.

I got an email back from the Black Stump people, and they’re inviting me back this year, yay!  I do so love to Stump!  The theme for 2009 is “Imagine” so I am going to have a lot of fun with that.

I am basically going to do what I call a “girl on a chair” show which is basically just me chilling out with the audience and doing some poems.  One year I brought a 3-legged stool that I borrowed from my sister, which was visually kinda cool, so I might look around for a particular chair to decorate up for the show.   Also I will probably write some new material… I always say that but it’s so hard to make myself sit down and write for any length of time, haha.

Last year I did a bit of a “scripted” show because the theme was “Life”, and I wrote about a girl who’s just died waiting around in Limbo after the funeral and reflecting on her life.  I felt it would be a good contrast, but it didn’t really go over too well… probably because it was a bit morbid and depressing!  Plus, my stage makeup looked pretty freakin’ creepy, which I didn’t realize until after I got the photos back, haha.  So this year I think it will be all rainbows and fairy floss… hey, now there’s a prop idea!!  :D