– TW: Depression, Su*cidal Ideation

I’ve got some music videos playing on YouTube and Linkin Park’s “In the End” came on. Maybe I’m just over emotional today, but staring at Chester’s face on screen I started to tear up and think omg, if only he knew what an impact he had on so many people and what a legacy he has left behind, would he still make the choice that he made?

But then I think, he had to have known, at least on some superficial level. But it wasn’t enough, and we need to get that the choice to stay or go is always a personal one. Too many times people think “if only I’d done more or made them feel more loved and needed, if only I’d shown them how special they were and what they meant to the world”. But we can’t put that on ourselves. No amount of love is going to save someone and stop them from going if they truly want to.

And Chester wasn’t some kid, he was 41. That’s old enough to know your own mind. He’d been through enough shit to make an informed decision. Of course, oh my God, of course I wish he hadn’t. I’m crying just now thinking about it. I guess I’m just saying, we can’t lay the burden of life on the shoulders of those who don’t want it. All we can do is love and cherish our loved ones for the time we have with them. And if they go gentle into that good night, we can carry their memory forward so their light in this world doesn’t dim.

That’s for benefit of those left behind, but I think the souls on the other side would appreciate it too. 🖤