My entire life has been a series of me drawing boundaries with people, and having them go, “Yeah, nah I’m good thanks,” before walking away. It’s been a long history of showing people who I am and making myself vulnerable to them and then being sidelined or rejected.  I’ve had people tell me how great and wonderful and amazing I am, but there’s never been anyone who has fought to keep me in their lives, unless it was for their own selfish reasons. 

I am not a fucking Nutrimetics party. You don’t get to come to the presentation, play with all the products and talk about how great and wonderful they are and how yes, you can certainly see the benefits; then when the time comes to put your money where your mouth is, you make some excuse about why you can’t afford it right now, or you buy the cheapest thing in the catalogue to be polite. 

I get it.  Some people aren’t into what I have to offer. They can appreciate the value but it’s not for them.  That’s fine.  But when every single person I’ve ever tried to have a real connection with – including the person who willingly married me – says “thanks, but no thanks”… It gets a bit much. 

But I keep doing the right thing. I keep doing the gracious thing.  I keep thanking people for their time and their consideration, like it’s a fucking job interview.  I keep breaking off pieces of my heart, like it’s a demonstration product.  “Here, have a sample of me, have a sample of what my love could be like…” until finally I will have no heart left.

That, my friends, will be a wonderful day. No heart = no hurt. And when you’ve been hurt as much as me, when you’ve sustained so many emotional scars that there’s no room for one more, achieving a state of numbness feels like entering Valhalla.