I’ve never had a big family. My previous relationship provided me with plenty of family to call my own, and for almost 5 years Christmas was about breakfasts and brunches and big family gatherings where there was plenty of food and trips up the coast with brother & sister-in-law to see the kids’ mum for boxing day… but it was all borrowed; it wasn’t really mine. And when the relationship ended, so too did the familial ties. With my own family living overseas, and my current partner’s family not celebrating Christmas, it’s just the two of us and probably always will be.

The problem is, I love Christmas. I’m one of those people who can’t wait to put up the tree and plug in the fairy lights. I have Christmas stockings for the cats. I send Christmas cards every year. I love carols services and going into the CBD shopping centres to look at the massive, decorated trees and window displays; I love the maple and cinnamon flavoured coffees in the cafes this time of year. I whip up my mother’s chicken & dressing recipe and her marshmallow salad every year and I sometimes even bake.

But this year, I’m not feeling it. This is probably the worst Christmas I’ve ever had, because I’ve been dwelling on all the things I DON’T have, instead of counting my blessings and accepting that this year is just not going to measure up to what I think Christmas is “supposed” to be in my mind. So I’ve been putting a lot of thought into what Christmas really means, what it can mean, for me. I was at a church service today and during the sermon the pastor said, “People don’t need THINGS, they need hope. They don’t need presents, they need PEACE.” That had such an authenticity to it, that I feel at peace with the season now for the first time since all the Christmas hoo-haa began.

My partner and I talked about about getting each other gifts this year, but we don’t really need anything. Oh, I’m sure he’d like to have some new gaming paraphernalia, and I wouldn’t mind a new wallet or a nice spice rack, but we’re not in desperate need. I told him what I’d really like for Christmas is to get bond together for a new place to live – something with a decent hot water system, no ants, and air-con for our suffering pets. A roof over our heads where we can heal and recharge and be a family under one roof again. No Xbox or handbag or pair of shoes or iTunes gift card can replace the feeling of feeling safe and happy and secure. So that’s what we’re giving each other this year – the gift of HOME.

It makes me wonder at the phrase, “Celebrate Christmas”. Christianity tells us Christmas is the observation of the birth of Christ which heralded the salvation of mankind. Secularists believe the real meaning of Christmas is spending time with and spreading love and joy among family and friends. But in either case, we choose to “celebrate” this beautiful, peaceful and joyous occasion… how? With gifts, money, material things.

I invite you to try on the concept of having a Christmas lunch with your loved ones, without the tree, without the lights, without exchanging a single gift. Could you do it? Could you still maintain the feelings of peace, love, joy and glad tidings? Or have we fallen into the trap of needing these window dressings to set our holiday stage for us and put us in the mood?

The over-commercialisation of Christmas has been the major theme of sermons, movies and books for at least a hundred years. “A Charlie Brown Christmas” which debuted in 1965 is an animated film starring Charles M Schultz’ Peanuts gang, where Charlie Brown learns about the “true meaning of Christmas”. And it’s a conversation still relevant, if not more so, these days. It’s a question everyone has to answer for themselves – what makes Christmas for you? And if what makes Christmas is the material things, what happens when you are in a position where you don’t have those things?

I’m not judging, I hope everyone out there has a lovely Christmas full of family gatherings, brightly wrapped presents, and all the good food they can stuff into their mouths (and then some!). But for those who don’t, I wish there was a way to let them know that that’s alright too.

Because you don’t need ribbons and bows and fairy lights and Christmas puddings to celebrate Christmas. You just need to have a clear understanding of what Christmas is for you, and find your own way to honour that in your lives. And if you’re stuck at home all alone on Christmas day, rest assured that dancing around in your underwear eating candy canes is a perfectly acceptable way to celebrate. :)